My love affair with music - 10 music moments that define me or my life

Music is like listening to waves. It calm my soul and mind. It opens up new doors and it lets me enter a world of magic. Music can make you forget and transport you far away. Music can make you aware and take a stance. Music can be a dream. Music can make you aware of reality. Music is life and life is music...

1. Griegs "Morning" from the play Peer Gynt

I just have to start with my former blog post: The paper plane. It was such an incredible moment when it happened and it has stayed with me for the 20-25 years since. When I started teaching the class I was told I would get nothing, that the class was not cultural and not very responsive. That 8 year old boy with his beautiful narration proved them so wrong. It made a beautiful memory for me but more than that it's been a constant reminder never to listen to the "no sayers", the "it's not possible sayers" , the "they are not interested sayers", the "generalisation sayers". It made me continue what I believed in, never give up caring, trying and that small actions can change the world. Enjoy!

2. Tchaikovsky - Sleeping Beauty Waltz

My parents had a lot of vinyl but this became special very early on. At the tender age between 1 and 2 I decided this was mine.  I danced around the living room totally in my own world. It was played again and again and again. At age 4 I did start taking ballet lessons and though I stopped at 10, ballet has always been very close to my heart. 

It introduced me to a magical world. The music is made for movement, elegant, gliding, dramatic. Close your eyes and let the music carry you away. Let your mind be filled with images and motion.

I will let this piece of fairytale music stand for my love for classical music. It started with Tchaikovsky and continued with Chopin to a large number of others. Some old, some modern.

3. Jussi Bjørling "O heliga natt"

As my mother introduced me to ballet and Chopin, my father introduced me to opera, jazz, rock. The greatest of them all was the swedish tenor Jussi Bjørling. Growing up I loved listening to this powerhouse of a singer where the emotions rushes out of the speakers and hits your body, soul and heart. Dramatic, melancholy, beautiful and unreal when hitting the high notes. Nothing can fill you body in quite the same way as opera can. I've been fortunate to see many operas in many different places. I can not wait to see more!

The clip is in swedish but his power, his voice and his charisma comes through. Probably the first opera record I heard as this has been played every christmas since I was born (and probaløy before that too) No christmas without it. It's no secret I too love opera, italian opera.  As the first clip is in swedish I'll leave you with a 2 clips, the not so unfamous "Nessun dorma" from Turandot by Puccini:

4. Piotr Tchaikovsky: The Nutcracker - Ballet in two acts

Being fortunate enough to live in a city with a ballet and a mother who also loves it my introduction to ballet at the opera came young (4-5 years). I was absolutely mesmerized. The grace, the beauty, the movements, the music. A story told without words. Images I had floating in my mind when listening came to life on stage. Such an explosion of mind, soul, thoughts and dream.  It's been many ballets since, but this was the first to open the door to a new world. 

5. ABBA: Waterloo

And then came ABBA, 1974, Eurovision. I was 6 1/2, Waterloo, the first cassette I got for my 7th birthday with a cassette player. Instant love. I would drive my brother crazy with playing the songs over and over again, performing in front of the mirror with a brush. Again I would close my eyes and let myself be transported away. And those costumes. Perfect, just perfect. Since then its been many albums and many favorites but this one started the ball. A love affair lasting 40 years (so far). 

6. David Bowie: Life on Mars?

I don't remember what was my first Bowie song, but I'm rather sure I heard it on Radio Luxenbourg one night when I should have been sleeping. It could have been either of them Rebel, Rebel, Changes, Life on Mars, Heros or Starman I don't remember. There was something in his voice that spoke directly to me. Today I would say he has a sensual, strong, very recognizable voice that both surprises and captivates - I was definitely captivated by this strange but cool music. He still surprises and stretches the borders, creating new music.  Listening to him I always felt it's ok to be different, it's ok to be myself...

7. Edith Piaf - La vie en rose

At 14 I started with French in school. As a little girl I played with a french girl on the boat to Kiel (or was it Copenhagen). I right away fell in love with the language. So beautiful. I did not excel as a student or learn much then. But I did learn one thing. French songs. Oh how beautiful, its a language made for singing. so much passion, so much beauty, so much emotions. Again when the voice filled the room I was in awe. What a voice this little sparrow had. Edit Piaf became very prominent as around the same time there was a play about her life. What life, what sorrow but also what courage and lust for living. 

8. Hanne Boel - My kindred spirit

I've been to many concerts and seen many big and small stars. Amazing concerts like Bowie in Hamburg, Simple Minds in Drammen or Tina Turner in Oslo.  Still one concert stands out. In 87 or 88 in a small rock club in Aalborg, Denmark, a former backup singer was on her first tour. She had been told her voice was to dark to make it solo. She proved them wrong. Rock Nielsen was filled to the breaking point and everyone wanted more. Again, don't stop believing in yourself.

She has this dark, r&b sound, rough and delightful at the same time. I'm still a fan of this cool Danish lady many albums later.

9. Apartheid in South Africa - 2 songs in one post

The Specials - Nelson Mandela

I am not sure when I heard about Nelson Mandela and apartheid but it must have been in the 70s. From then followed his fight for freedom. This song reminds me and so many others of the long way he had to go. Many wrote letters and protested hoping for a change. I did not dare to hope for a change in my lifetime but it came. Never give up on HOPE!

Peter Gabriel - Biko

The story of Steven Biko is a strong one that we never should forget. A man practising non violence trying to change a horrid system, killed by his efforts. The core message so important still today.  If you haven't seen the movie Cry Freedom from 1987 its worth while. Strong story, strong performances and a reminder we should never forget. Its not us and them its WE.

10. Live Aid 1985 

Using music to raise awareness had been done before, but not on this scale. Watching MTV and seeing this outpour of solidarity, money and awareness was something I will never forget. Yes they said it's useless, its just a show, it does not matter. But it did make a difference in many people's lives. It became legitimate to care. The crises in parts of Africa came straight into our living rooms. From that moment on you could chose to care or not, but you could not use the excuse you did not know.

So many artists that day that stuck in my mind but I suppose the one performance that stood out was this: Queen.

As a teenager seeing this massive response of caring was enormous. I suppose I've always felt we should help each other on this planet and suddenly there is was. It made me stronger in my belief that one person can (and should) make a difference.

-----

I'm the MTV generation, music videos and Levis commercial. Music was not just on the radio or on vinyl, it was everywhere and using music as a tool to bring awareness got a new medium. Of course I'm a product of that time. There are so many others I could have mentioned, artists I listen to, who have followed me for years or new acquaintances.

Music is the past, the present and the future.  Music is forever.

Bette Midler the Rose

This song and its lyrics have followed me for almost 30 years now, in good and in bad times. 

It seems a fitting end to a post about music and me...

The paper plane

Many years ago I was so fortunate to be working as a teacher for some time, filling in for teachers that was sick. For 4 months I was the teacher of a class of 8 year olds.

As part of arts and craft I one day asked the children to put their heads down on their desks, close their eyes and just listen to the music letting their minds go free creating images.

28 children did as asked and the only sound in the classroom was Griegs "Morning" from Peer Gynt.

Slowly we returned to this world and I asked if anyone wanted to share what had played in their minds.

One of the boys put his hand up and this was his story:

"It was sunny and I was running on a huge open green field with the trees standing beautifully in the background. 

Above me a paper plane was flying. The sky very blue. 

The plane was slowly moving with the wind, gliding beautifully over the open green field. 

I was running to it, trying to reach it but it sailed just above my head.

I followed the plane as it slowly descended. The world was quiet. It was just me and the paper plane on the big field. 

Slowly slowly it circled. It was so beautiful.

Finally it glided just over the green grass before it gently landed in front of me. 

It was a perfect day." 

I was speechless and rather moved. So were the other children. Everyone was looking at him in awe finding his story a beautiful one. A lot of wow and I can see that. 28 children united by the beautiful narration of their classmate.

I have cherished this story in my heart for the 20 something years now.

I'm sharing it with you this week, after the Paris attacks (and the others) where I see so many comments about how dangerous muslims are, how barbaric they all are. All the harsh and ignorant comments flourishing.

This was a normal class except for one thing, all the 28 children came from immigrant families. This remarkable 8 year old boy telling this beautiful story was a muslim. The class listening to him was too. Don't judge what you don't know. Xenophobia is not a beautiful thing. This boy's mind was.

A beautiful soul in a beautiful mind!

We must enjoy the day - waiting for the rain

August is here, it might get cold soon... No not really...

We have to take advantage of the sunny warm weather and be outside. Coming from Norway enjoying a warm day and not spend it inside is rooted in me. When warmer than 15 degrees c and sunny you storm out and spend the whole day outside. You simply can not let such a beautiful day go by, who knows when you'll see another one. 

The problem is of course now I live in the south of France. For the past 7 months this has been the weather:  Sun, sunny, warm, sun, warm, sun, sunny, 2 drops of rain, sun, sunny, very warm, sun, sunny, warm... ok and some wind. You get the picture. The weather is rather nice down here.

Beautiful day in April

But my head still tells me you have to get out, if only to lay in the hammock in the garden. It's way to nice to be inside. The small project inside can wait for a rainy day.

It's the beginning of October and I've had on summer jeans 10 times or so in the last 7 months. The one item I've worn the most: A Sarong.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it. These months are what makes all the difference. But my brain has not switched to Languedoc weather yet. I still get guilty if I stay inside and its lovely outside. It's just that is lovely a lot of the time here. More or less all the time from April to October. So these small projects they stay projects for now at least.

Never know how long the sun will last... October 1st

Several times it has been predicted rain, and it might rain in the next village but not with us. One day we had orange alert, that means very strong warning for flooding. And it was rather horrible other places but here it rained for 30 minutes. 2 days of heavy rain turned out to be drizzle for 4 hours.

So small projects wait for a rainy day - that so far has not come. Tomorrow they say it will rain and the temperature will drop to 10-15 degrees.

So we did take advantage of this lovely autumn weekend with temperatures up to 30 degrees Celsius. It's been spent outside. Waiting for the rain. that hopefully will come. And then we might start one the small projects.

We have to enjoy the day - October 10Th.

Unless it gets warm again. Then we have to go out and enjoy it. You never know how long it will last my brain tells me. Luxury problem I know. 

Update: It's now november 20th and we are still waiting. We've had 1 day of rain, proper rain. Then some windy days and some a little colder. Today it's still 21 degrees (c). It's rather amazing.

Mayronnes sculpture trail - a little wonder where the road ends

Nadine Trescartes: Le cri. Permanent exhibit. 

Aude is full of history, nature and nice surprises. Everywhere you turn something catches your eye. In a small valley in the Haut Corbieres, the Corbieres mountains, art and magnificent nature are blended together. At the end of the road lays a hamlet that is host to a spectacular art walk. Here are some of the sculptures.

Mosaic from the trail.

Mayronnes is the starting point of a walk up into the mountains. A special walk. A walk amongst sculptures. A beautiful tribute to art, life and nature. A walk I've wanted to take for some time but not been able to. But this year we did. Armed with hiking boots, walking sticks and taped up ankles the 5 kilometre trail was to be explored.

Charly: Tortues. Permanent exhibit.

What a path and what an experience. The sun was shining, it was hardly a breeze. Green, lush and beautiful the track goes up and up.

Raymond Galle :  L'arbre couché. Permanent exhibit. 

It's not made to walk fast, along the way different pieces of art are integrated in the scenery.

Jean  Lebeau: Couroucoucou. Permanent exhibit. 

Cleverly done.

Robert Cros:  Agrafes. Exhibit 2015.

Some of the artwork are here permanently.

Robert Cros: Un, deux, etc. Permanent exhibit. 

 Others are this years contributions.

Nadine Trescartes: Le cri. Permanent exhibit. 

Finally you reach the plateau and what a view.

Nadine Trescartes: Métronome 2. Exhibit 2015. For full sculpture see further down.

These are just some of the artworks. I will be back with more photos at a later date.

Raymond Galle : Les 3 pierres dressées des Corbières. Permanent exhibit. 

Walking back the track takes you into more forest areas and again beautiful views and interesting artwork.

Anne Sarda: Mes tissages. Exhibit 2015. 

Anne Sarda: Mes tissages. Exhibit 2015. 

An almost perfect walk in nature! *

David Vanorbeek: Élégance. Permanent exhibit. 

I will be back!

Nadine Trescartes: Métronome 2. Exhibit 2015.

* While the path for the most parts is ok to go there is one part towards the end that is absolutely horrifying.  It should come with a little warning for those having bad joints, heart problems or bad eyesight. It is not a walk any more but an "adventure" trail obstacle course. A very steep climb on a tiny rough trail where you have to drag yourself up after trees. I apologize to the artists as I had no appreciation for their interesting contributions.

When you are through the bush walk you reach a new plateau with some really cool artwork, more  on the way down to the parking again. I will have to go back (and up where you go down) another time to be able to appreciate them and take pictures.

There is a shorter version and of course you have the possibility to go for longer walks in this magnificent area.



Here is some more information on the walk in
English http://www.audetourisme.com/diffusio/en/activities/exhibitions/mayronnes/mayronnes-sculpture-path_TFOFMALAR011V504QD2.php

and French: Sentier Sculpturel de Mayronnes
http://www.sentiersculpturel.com/

A visitor has finally come home

Travelling, studying, working in other places or countries was fun. Different. New adventures. Standing at airports, train stations, bus stations talking to people most said the same: " I've loved being here and there but it will be so good to go home, to where I belong." I had no idea what that feeling was, what they were talking about.

It felt strange, different, lonely in a way, not feeling that I had to be somewhere special. That one place. The "tears in the eyes" thinking about going home. I was feeling many things, crying many tears but never over "home" home.

Many talk about feeling alienated when you come home after a short or longer stay abroad. You don't really fit in, belong any more, you've changed. Others have changed. The place you left has changed.

The thing is, if I'm totally honest, that's how I've always felt deep down. Since childhood. That I was kind of a visitor, passing through.  An "alien" if you like.

Standing at any station leaving a place to go back to Norway I often had no desire to go at all. Of course it would be nice to see friends and family. Sleep in my own bed. But longing and looking forward to see the hills around Oslo to feel complete? No I did not feel it.  It was just my base, where I came from.

One of my manager ones told me: "You're problem is not being afraid of change as most, but that you whole life is about nothing but change. You need change to much. I'm afraid that you don't root." He was absolutely right.  I was not "home" home anywhere, rooted, knowing deep down that this is where I belong.

I was a little envious of others knowing with absolutely certainty where they belonged. Me, I was like a water plant surviving in any container filled with some water, passing through. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week other times for years. Visiting not really rooting. Being strange but fine at the same time. Not looking for that one place either. I was many lovely places, meeting many nice people. More than 40 years went by. Life was after all good.

Then one warm day in July I knew. No fireworks, no big emotions just driving on an unromantic highway in a part of France I had never been. An inner peace, a certainty. Finally I knew what many had been talking about. There on a stretch on the highway "between the 2 oceans" I knew: This is it.

I'm home. 

Epilogue: We now live 10 - 15 minutes from that part on the highway. I finally understand the "tears in my eyes" when leaving or going back. I have moved out of the water container. I'm rooting. I'm becoming a real tree. I'm at peace. I belong.

Acceptance – such an easy world to say, not quite as easy to live by

Sunflowers - so bright, so happy, so warm. 

”Change is the only constant” Heraclitus said 2500 years ago. So true. Our lives are filled with changes, big and small. Some we hardly notice, others have huge impact on us. Ultimately we hope to reach an acceptance, focusing on life today and not on what it ones was. A new life, a different life but still a good one.

Acceptance

It's an easy word to say. It's not as easy to do. Some tell you to get over it and move on. And that is true. But some times things happen that changes our lives so profoundly that it takes time to process. For me it was being struck by lightening and all that followed *. For others it's another accident or incident.

It's not like snapping your fingers and then its done though

It’s been a very long road, a journey that is still continuing, and a journey that will probably last me as long as I live. I've cried rivers of tears, been further down than I believed possible, furious at my body for betraying me. I've mourned the loss of my former body, mourned the loss of my active life, mourned the loss of working. I've mourned the loss of the life I knew and mourned the loss of a day without pain.

As the zebra don't change its stripes neither do we change totally with pain. We are still us. 

I am not my pain. I am so much more.

At the same time the journey has been toward a change, in me, with me. Along the way I almost lost myself to the constant pain. Emotional as well as physical. It almost took over, it almost became me.

But that's not who I am. I am not my pain. I am so much more. So I took “me” back, slowly, step by step I found me again. A new me but at the same time the one I’ve always been inside: I'm still a feminist. I'm still a humanist. I still don't accept injustice. I'm still the one wanting equality. I'm still the one wanting to try make a difference in the world. I'm still talking to much.

Death is not an academic exercise

I've been there, touched it, felt it, smelled it. I've been blue, wondered why I survived, why it happened, why me? But knowing I've been extremely lucky has made me aware of simply being alive. Made me appreciate the small things, the things that really matter. Being able to see the stars, stop and smell the roses, enjoy children’s laughter, see my friends again, to explore, fall in love and most importantly being able to try to make a difference. In a strange way I was so fortunate to “see” my “obituary”, to get to know that I did mean something to someone.

It's the small things in life that matter. Like sitting with friends drinking a cup of tea. Just doing nothing but be together. 

When you know you should have died everything else is put into a different perspective

I made a decision to find the good things, the positive sides, the new opportunities and focus on them. I made a list (and for a long time that list just contained 2 things) just of positive things and the positive meaning: “I can sleep longer in the morning” (I've always found it hard to get up early) not on the fact that I need to sleep longer now. “I can help my bonus son as much as he needs” not that I would have done that anyway. “I can spend the whole day in the hammock” not that I need to relax.

My change within**. My acceptance.

So do I enjoy my life as it is today? Have I managed to lay my former life to rest and focus on the now? I would say a careful yes. Not every day, no, but most days. I'm coming to terms with it, the constant pain, the change in my life, the change in what I can do. I'm seeing possibilities, I'm having a good life despite it all and I'm sure it will be better.

Yes life is good!

Positive rings in the water.

I'm not saying it’s easy because it's not. It does take some hard work. But it is getting easier as you go along. It's like rings in the water, one thing leads to another. For me it has helped, for others it might not. ***

I'm getting better with practice and so yes I'm getting there, to accept, to enjoy what I can do and live a good life for me. I am very fortunate and I'm going to be sure to make the most and best out of it.

After all I'm still alive.

* Today, the 8th of July 2015, it's exactly 14 years since that night in the Norwegian mountains. The Lightening strike. Here you can read what happened:The Lightening strike

** For an article on the change within see the note where this illustration comes from. The article is about living with Trigeminal neuralgia but it applies to all changes. End Trigeminal Neuralgia is an awareness page.
For note on the change: https://www.facebook.com/notes/end-trigeminal-neuralgia/the-change-within-living-with-trigeminal-neuralgia/448933551895490
For awareness on Trigeminal neuralgia: https://www.facebook.com/endTrigeminalNeuralgia

*** I would just like to add in a small paragraph that having someone to talk to that knows exactly what you are going through can be a life saver. Support groups on Facebook is not a bad thing at all.

" A lightning bolt from clear sky" changed my life forever - though it was a real lightning strike and the sky was not clear

This is what the lightning looked like according to witnesses. 2 distinct strikes at ones. 

A summer night in the beginning of this millennium my life changed forever. Within a fraction of a second it changed. A huge bang, then nothing. Nothing at all. No light, no fire. Just a very loud sound, pain in my ear and nothing. At 2 o'clock in the morning I had lost my hearing on one ear. I had been struck by lightning.

The night had been colourful and loud. 

I was in bed, windows open, curtains aside looking out a the spectacular light show over the mountains. It really was beautiful. The sky alive with all different colours. A show not seen in these part for more than 80 years. The lights slowly moved further along the valley. The lights became more and more distant.  I became more and more drowsy, lulled to sleep by the distant rumbling. Rain was playing on the roof. It was time to sleep. 

Then an enormous sharp pain in my ear, a noise so loud it was like being in a mega speaker on full force. My room was smoky. I called out. As I jumped out of bed I thought I stepped on glass running to my parents room next door. Had my windows blown in?

And off went the smoke alarm

My mum was half awake, my father sound asleep. Rather groggy he walked out of the room and walked straight into the door of the fusebox that had been blown open. Then a very rough awakening as the smoke detectors started howling. Very annoying when cooking, rather more scary when you don't know the reason.

Everything went so quick

Rain was hammering on the roof and the rumbling continued with occasional flashes. It was unreal running into the living room looking out the windows. Part of the roof was hanging loose toward some trees. The gutters had broken off and was outside the other windows. You can safely say the normally beautiful vista was a little different.

Is the roof on fire?

It was as we stood there realising the roof had lifted I think it dawned on us that the cabin had been struck by lightning. Out we went to check on the rest. Fortunately the lightning had made a hole in the roof big enough for the rain to pour in and stop the burning.

We were in action modus

What to do now? Should we go back to bed or call the fire department? We could at least call and ask what to do in these cases.

I wonder what the fire department were thinking when they got a call saying " oh it seems our cabin has been struck by lighting and we are not sure what you do in these cases? Yes we are in the cabin now. No as far as we can see nothing is burning. You would like to check it out? Now? Ok we'll not go to bed then but meet you at the road barrier."

The reality of what had happened had not totally sunk in

We were still in action mode, my mother doing the dishes as water would go cold, my father taking a new look around and I driving to the road barrier to let the firemen through. Still in activity mode I decided as long as I have to sit there and wait I might as well call the insurance company. The time was probably closer to 3 in the morning by then.

Reality starts to sink in

I call the insurance and told what had happened. The phone went totally silent. "Oh my" I heard on the other end, "you don't know how happy I am to be talking to you. Are you all ok?". I don't think any of us had actually thought about it at all, the possibility that we might not be ok. As I talked to the very friendly man on the other end it slowly started to sink in. I still did not hear anything on my right ear.

You should be very glad no one slept in here

The guys from the fire department came and had a look around. When they came to my room they said ”oh my gosh, so good no one was sleeping in here, they would have been fried to death as it looks like the lightning met itself here”. I kind of went "hrmf I actually was in the room, laying in bed looking at the weather".  I got 4 shocking eye at me before one said very very calmly  ”you have no idea how lucky you are”.

I now know how lucky I was

I was gone for 5-10-15 minutes after the lightning struck. Nothing. I was not walking on glass but small pieces of hard plastic and metal that was left after the sockets had exploded. The lightning had met itself in my room and kaboom. 

Why did I survive? 

Many coincidences; I had my windows open, my bed was made of wood and shaped a little like a sledge protecting my head, I was lying on my left so the injuries came in my right side, no clothes on or jewellery and did not use my disc man for once (which was totally burned out).

I did not see any light, just the loud penetrating sound. /My hearing came back after 5 hours). The injuries have come, and the diagnoses still keep coming. Its been more than 10 years of pride and joy, sorrow and sadness, pain and tears - BUT I'm still alive.

Never in a million years had I thought I would be struck by lightning and survive.

Never did I believe that my life would change so dramatically. We never do do we? Its always something that happens in the movies or to someone else. Never did I believe that I the workaholic loving my job would not be allowed to work any more. I was at the top of my career, on top of the world and just ready to march ahead.

How different my life turned out.

But with the bad comes the good. When one door closes another do open. I've tapped into my more creative side and do what I can when I can.

I am celebrating surviving. I have been very fortunate after all. Yes of course there will always be a sorrow and a grief over all that I can not do any more but I do have a good life. Very different from what I believed it would be but still good. And the most important thing of all:

I'm alive.

Unwanted guest for dinner - sexual harassment – and my own inadequacy to react

This last week I realised I was back at being the young 22 year old woman not knowing what to do when a marketing manager told me he was really looking forward to us travelling together, sharing room and having sex. My reaction this time as a grown woman was just the same as that young woman. I responded to it as if it was a joke, I made fun of it. I did not talk to much about it. I ignored it.*

At 22 you can understand that you're not certain how to respond. It started with smaller jokes, all with hidden sexual content. In the beginning I really did not understand, the man could have been my father. When it became really uncomfortable and he started telling me how he was looking forward to the trip I avoided him as much as I could. When he came into the office I was sitting in I left. If he came to the kitchen when I was making tea I left.

Chronic harasser

Fortunately for me the other women in the company saw it and understood as he had been sexually harassing them too. They made sure I was never alone with him again and protected me. I did the business trip when the man was away on another. He was angry when heard I'd gone alone but I was protected by my female colleagues. I made sure to never be in a situation where I could end up with him alone.

Why did I not report him?

Neither did the other women. Why? I was young, I was there for an intern ship, he was one of the big bosses in the company well liked and I'd met his very nice wife at a dinner with everyone. Social convention. Not wanting to make a fuss. Maybe deep down a little afraid I would not be taken seriously?

I also played the conversations over and over in my mind. What could I have said or done differently? Could I be to blame? The guilt over time when I knew what I wanted to do but did not dare. The sad thing is that the managing director was a really nice guy and I'm quite sure today that if I had told him, he would have taken it very seriously. At 22 I did not trust my instinct.

The harasser's power comes from people feeling isolated and alone. And staying silent like I.

Fast forward more than 20 years.

I'm at a dinner, we meet a new couple. I don't know why but I'm immediately uneasy about him and tell my husband to never leave me alone with him. My husband understands as he also feels something is off.

Next dinner and this time I'm next to this man. While we are talking I feel a leg against my leg. That happens of course and nothing sinister about that. I just move a little. But his leg moves with mine. His upper legs are rubbing my upper legs. I move my chair. He moves his a little. In the end I sit halfway out the chair trying to not make it to obvious, the other guests used to me moving around due to my bad back.

What I don't do is tell him to stop loud and clear. Instead I ignore it and I go help out in the kitchen to avoid it. I don't want to make a fuss. The guy is just a little frisky but well I can handle it.

Again I say nothing

Next time we're at a dinner at their house. Again I'm seated next to him and again his leg is up against mine. I don't say anything this time either but moves my chair towards my husband and sit with my legs out on the other side. When the wife gets up to clean the table etc. I help out to get out of the situation.

Next dinner I've talked to my husband and I make sure I'm not going to sit next to this man. I switch places with my husband.

Many women, like I, do not want to make a fuss and imprison ourselves by not speaking up.

Social codex and conduct.

I get a friends request from him and feel I can not deny. I accept but set my privacy settings so he can not see my new posts.

Another chronic harasser

Then just a few days later it all comes out. He is doing it to others. There are many many more stories, many more women. He is going to all social venues and harassing women of all ages. And finally, finally I take action. I unfriend him on Facebook, my husband does the same. My husband is a little sad I have not told all of it before. I have to admit I'm a little relieved.

And then I get angry. Very angry. At myself.

I have been through this before. Why did I respond exactly like the last time? Why did I not speak up and do what I knew to be the right thing in my heart? Why did I, of all people, not have the guts to do it? I've never been afraid of confrontations as a grown up. I'm a rather tough cookie, been through many battles and not afraid to stand on the barricades.

As a manager I had specific talks with young women to make sure they would come to me immediately if something remotely similar happened to them. I would have taken action and not ignored it or let it pass. But when it came to myself I was doing nothing, I was the 22 years old again, not wanting to make a fuss.

I and other women (and the few men) who experience harassment need to react so we can help others,
especially the young so they know  this is not acceptable behaviour and it's not their fault. 

Why is it so easy to stand up for others but not for myself?

I could not do it for myself, but I could definitely do it for the others. Harassing grown ups are one thing but when hearing he was going after younger women and teenagers too then it was very easy. Very easy. I would never forgive myself if me not saying something had resulted in something serious for a young woman.

It's fortunately just 1% of the male population but it's 1 % to many. We need to protect and we need to do whatever we can to put a stop to this behaviour. And it starts with me, speaking up.

I can not stand by others being harassed. I had to tell my story. For the sake of young women, for the sake of old women, for the sake of my own. I had to put my foot down, I should have done it sooner.

Finally though, through what has happened I have found my voice again. 

From now on I will not stay silent.

* Writing this I come to think about other incidents that I think every woman has experienced: Street harassment and the difference between what you experience on the street by strangers and what happens when the harasser is someone you know either socially or in your work environment. Another blog post.

© 2015 A Viking in the Vines

All your incredible time - you'll never be alone with Orange

Missing someone to talk to at daytime, feeling isolated and your French need some refreshing? Don't despair, take a subscription on any Orange product and you will never be totally alone again. 

"All of your thoughts and dreams"*

We are planning to be a lot outside, having nice encounters with the French and learn more of the beautiful language. Orange customer service is a brilliant way to do the last two and best of all it does not cost you an arm and a leg either.

"All of your incredible time"*

You will be fortunate enough to speak to a new person every day. This is done to be helpful and aid you in understanding their message. As they might be paid per words per minute it helps talking to a lot of different persons so you can catch new words and meaning and in the end understand what they are telling you.

"Will stay with me"*

Some help you out by just hanging up. First I thought it was because I was a foreigner but my French friends assured me that's not the case, it happens to them to. So like you prepare for exams you can then study and learn important sentences before calling again: "Ne raccrochez pas le téléphone s'il vous plaît" (please don't hang up the phone) and "allez-vous me rappeler s'il vous plaît" (will you call me back please) and other vital informative sentences you need in everyday life.

"All of you whispered schemes"*

You might want to be a little bit careful as they might suspect that you are calling just to have someone to talk to. To ensure you are not they'll have you to go through the same procedure every time: "You need to turn off and on your ruter. You need to turn off and then on your decoder. Are you sure you have waited 15 seconds before starting again?"

It might be a tiny bit annoying when you are calling for the 3. time in one day but on the other hand you learn new French words and sentences: "Yes I've turned the decoder/ruter off and on and waited 15 seconds" or " 2 weeks ago a man from you was here and did not find any flaws in our house but we still have problems with internet".

"All your courageous tears"*

Ok granted, your blood pressure might not be the best after talking to the customer service every day for months. It does wonders for your language skills though. One day you'll even manage to argue in French with the customer service. That is a day to remember. As a French friend of mine commented: 

Congratulations you are now integrated in France!

Winning the lottery

This was written about Orange and our decoder but could just as well have been about trying to get a mobile phone, car insurance, membership in a organisation, extra health insurance and so forth. The easiest thing so far has been getting the national health card and social security number. 

As with everything else it depends on the person you meet at the other end of the phone. Yesterday I was so fortunate to meet a man who was both service minded and good at what he was doing. When I started out saying "This is the hundred time or so I'm calling" he responded by saying: "Then I'll not insult you by asking if you have turned the decoder off and on". He solved the problem with the decoder, he called back every time the line was broken (we have internet phone) and he will call back on Friday to be sure everything is ok, if not we'll get a new decoder. I was so happy, it really felt like winning the big pot in the lottery.

Update: Guy called today as promised. We're getting a new decoder and he will call back on Monday. I give him 5 of 5  stars! Orange SA, this is excellent customer service and he should be used as a brilliant example on how to do the job.

Update 2: New decoder, working like charm. Guy called back on Monday to check everything was OK. That guy is worth gold!

* Some knows the words of the headings all to well, for those who don't it's the music played when you're put on hold with Orange. Its a catchy tune (Sudden Dreams by Sophie Hunger) that is haunting me in my sleep.  And its not even in French. 

A new scam in the making? Is Mojo + Interior Addict + KMA Republic = Made in Style?

Shopping for furniture can be a time consuming affair. We are looking for our favourites at a good price. We investigate. We try our best to find a trustworthy company. But sometimes the scam is so well done and so devious that it's not easy to discover it before it's to late.

Here we need to go several years back. In 2004 a Jason Graham started importing reproduction furniture and selling it via his company Synergy Imports LTD (i). A year later the same Jason Graham starts up another company, the internet shop Mojo Interiors Ltd (ii), selling reproduction furniture (iii).

Mojo Interiors Ltd "Under Administration - contact your credit card company"

But everything is not good in paradise. In January of 2008 you find notice that something is off. A customer at the web based fora designaddict.com writes his experiences (iv). 

David P – 21 Jan 2008DO NOT USE MOJO INTERIORS I purchased an Eames RAR rocker from Mojo that was shown on the website as being in stock and delivered within 10 days. After 8 days I tried to contact them to see when I could expect delivery and was told that it was out of stock and would take 10 weeks. I tried to cancel the order there and then, and was told a refund would be actioned. This did not happen, and a week later after repeatedly trying to call, I recieved an e-mail to sat they had 'moved some boxes in the warehouse and found one' ... I declined and asked again for my refund. This went on and on, and nobody called back after my leaving ,messages on an answerphone and sending over 40 e-mails demanding a response. Eventually, 6 phone calls through the MD on a Saturday morning where he was 'waiting for his accountant', 'just out of the office' ... etc, resulted in my being told I was going to be refunded ...... I am still waiting ....This company is dreadful, and I have had nothing but lies form the two people I have spoken to or recieved e-mails from.Never buy from this company.

So Mojo is taking the money but not delivering the goods or refunding the money? Sounds familiar doesn't it? But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Finally in February of 2009 the customers are told it is going into voluntary liquidation (v). Customers are asked to contact their credit card providers and visa, master card etc. are paying out. A company buys the assets (vi). A new company without connections to Mojo Interiors? The new company is Interior Addict Ltd, a company started in January 2009 (vii).

Interior Addict "Timeless classics delivered to your door"

Interior Addict Ltd's director is not Jason Graham but Rajinder Khatkar. We are told Interior Addict buys the assets of Mojo Interiors. Soon a web page is up and running in the UK. It goes out wide and expanded to French, Swiss, German, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian versions (viii). Maybe even Australia (ix).

Back to the commentaries on designaddict.com where its suggested that Jason Graham is involved with the new company, that it actually is him running it (x). How can we find out if he is involved with Interior Addict Ltd? A quick search reveals that Jason Graham in January of 2009 opens a profile on a recruitment page looking for SEO's, web designers, Danish speaking persons etc. (xi). Ms Khatkar and Mr Graham both answers question under full name and Interior Addict Ltd is a reference (xii). It is safe to say Jason Graham is involved with Interior Addict Ltd and the new internet store. Maybe a lot more than he has given information about?

Interior Addict Ltd has assets from Mojo Interiors and as figures show, do OK to begin with. In 2012 they open a showroom at 50-52 Commercial Street in London (xiii).

Interior Addict Ltd "In Liquidation - contact your credit card company"

Fast forward to 2014, again something is off in paradise. Some subcontractors are not getting paid and in May 2014 one of them takes them to court (xiv). Interior Addict Ltd goes into liquidation (xv). Again assets are sold to a new company. We are told that in the summer of 2014 this new company takes over the brand Interior Addict and its web shops in several countries. This time Jason Graham is officially involved with the new company KMA Republic Ltd, he is the director (xvi).

Interior Addict/KMA Republic Ltd "Under Administration - contact your credit card company"

Through out the autumn of 2014 and beginning of 2015 customers gets more and more concerned, orders are made, money is paid but no goods (xvii). Cancellations are agreed upon but no money are refunded (xviii). It's a deja vu from 2009. This time its on Trustpilot (xix). For every negative comment, loads of positive comes up. You start to wonder if these are from employees at Interior Addict? In March of 2015 a new director is appointed (xx). In March the showroom is emptied but sales are still going on. Emails and phones are to begin with answered, then silence (xxi). In April 2015 KMA Republic goes into voluntary liquidation. Again customers are asked to contact their credit card providers to get their money back (xxii). Is someone trying to make a deal again?

History repeats itself? Is this a business model?

This time the social media is more active. Customers, ex employees and subcontractors not getting paid join forces and group up (xxiii). Information is coming out. In the group former employees are telling that Jason Graham had told them to stop sending out furniture. He is saving them for his new company. He has a warehouse full of furniture, not in either Interior addicts name or KMA Republic's but one of his other companies Indigo Logistics (xxiv). In the group we hear about employees being fired without getting their last salaries (xxv). It seems history repeats itself, is it a business model?

Something else comes to light when we start digging. Looking at the terms and conditions pages on interioraddict.com the information on the company you are buying from changes from Interior Addict Ltd in December 2013 to KMA Republic Ltd in February 2014. So the takeover could not have been in summer of 2014. If you bought something in say March of 2014 you were actually buying from KMA Republic (xxvi).

We finally find proof of the strong connection between Mr Graham and Ms Khatkar. On the 27. of September 2014 they were married on Majorca (xxvii).

Will Made In Style also end up with "Under Administration - contact your credit card company" on their web site too?

For some weeks we've wondered where is he going now Mr Graham? What new company will benefit from the warehouse filled with furniture and so forth? One of the guests at their wedding is a long time friend (xxviii).

Why is this important you might ask? Because she, Miss Usha Nayee, is now the director of a brand new internet store, Made in style (xxix), started in March 2015, selling reproduction furniture (xxx). What do you think - a coincidence?

UPDATE May 2015: Made in Style has ceased trading. A notice can be found on their web page where they inform that all customers will be refunded. At least this company is honouring their obligations to their customers. 

A final note: This blog has been written after research by several members of the Facebook customer group*. Information is not provided by one source only. All information that is referred to here (and some more) has been secured, given to the UK authorities and can be presented as evidence. If you have been subjected to the same please report to Action Fraud UK regardless if you are outside the UK or have gotten a cash back from you bank/credit card company/Pay pal. 

* Interior Addict customers group on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
All photos are from the internet sources provided. 

PM at the end, Mr Graham is and has been involved with several companies throughout the years.

Incorp date or when he worked there	Status pt	Date status	Name	Number	Additional
2002.05.25	Dissolved		HALCYON LEISURE MANAGEMENT LIMITED * 2001.08.13 - 2004.07.27	04269406	Director until 2004.01.24
2004.10.13	Dissolved	17 July 2007	SYNERGY IMPORTS (UK) LTD	05256545	Director
2005.02.06	Active		70 BRYNLAND AVENUE MANAGEMENT COMPANY LIMITED Incorp 28.01.2005	05346109	Was employed as director until 6.02.2006
2005.05.06	Dissolved	29.10.2010	Mojo Interiors Ltd	05445809	Director
2006.07.01	active		18 GROSVENOR PLACE BATH (MANAGEMENT) LIMITED (incorp 05.08.1986)	02043446	was employed as Director (IMPORTER) to 30 April 2010
2008.01.02.	Dissolved	18.05.2010	URBAN MOJO LIMITED	06462048	Director
2009-01-21	Liquidation		Interior Addict Ltd	06797406	??
2010-12-01	Active		Interior Addict E1 Ltd	07456828	Director
2011-08-08	Active		LIVE ICONIC LIMITED	07732949	Director
2011-09-13	Dissolved	2013-12-24	LIVE ICONIC EUROPE LIMITED	07772319	Director
2012-04-24	Dissolved	2013-10-15	LIVE ICONIC (EAST EUROPE) LIMITED	08042836	Director
2012-04-24	Dissolved	2013-12-03	LIVE ICONIC (SWEDEN) LIMITED	08042869	Director
2013-01-07	Adverse info		KMA REPUBLIC LIMITED	08348410	Director (still as of 28.4.2015
2014-02-27	Active		INDIGO LOGISTICS (UK) LIMITED	08916105	Director
2015-02-12	Active		MANAGE MY SEO LIMITED	09436387	Director

* This might be the same Jason Graham as born same year and in Bath/Brighton but since can't get whole date of birth not been confirmed. The others are confirmed being same person ref official sources.

i http://companycheck.co.uk/company/05256545
ii http://mojointeriors.co.uk/
iii http://companycheck.co.uk/company/05445809
iv http://www.designaddict.com/forum/General-discussion/Mojo-Interiors
v https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/L-58991-748900
vi Ibid
vii http://www.endole.co.uk/company/06797406/interior-addict-ltd
viii www.interioraddict.com
ix Www.interioraddict.com/au
x http://www.designaddict.com/forum/General-discussion/Mojo-Interiors
xi http://www.peopleperhour.com/job/copy-write-seo-6481
xii http://www.peopleperhour.com/job/website-content-assitant-required-22065?Members_page=3
xiii http://www.endole.co.uk/company/06797406/interior-addict-ltd
xiv https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/2140793
xv https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/2247193
xvi http://www.endole.co.uk/company/08348410/kma-republic-limited
xvii Trustpilot on InteriorAddict.com:https://www.trustpilot.com/review/www.interioraddict.com
xviii See facebook group: Interior Addict customers group https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xix Trustpilot on InteriorAddict.com:https://www.trustpilot.com/review/www.interioraddict.com
or other pages on trustpilot in other languages
xx http://companycheck.co.uk/company/08348410/KMA-REPUBLIC-LIMITED
xxi See facebook group: Interior Addict customers group https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xxii Www.interioraddict.com
xxiii https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xxiv http://www.datalog.co.uk/browse/detail.php/CompanyNumber/08916105/CompanyName/INDIGO+LOGISTICS+%28UK%29+LIMITED
xxv https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xxvi Older versions of webpages can be found at:
xxvii ttps://www.facebook.com/charmicreations/photos/a.10151962733996747.1073741831.153497901746/10152834259681747/?type=1&__mref=message_bubble
xxviii https://twitter.com/ush2012, if been deleted screenshots have been secured
xxix http://www.madeinstyle.com/uk/
xxx Ubn 3 Limited is the company behind “Made in style”, http://www.endole.co.uk/company/09445741/ubn-3-limited

http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/