My 20 favorite quotes

Just to get things going again after some absent here is some quotes that each have helped or help me in one way or another. When young some of them hang on my wall, now they are the background photo's on my pc. I hope you find them ok to.

Wonder what End Trigeminal Neuralgia is? EndTN is an awareness page for trigeminal neuralgia, a facial pain affliction, You can have a look at the page. 

My love affair with music - 10 music moments that define me or my life

Music is like listening to waves. It calm my soul and mind. It opens up new doors and it lets me enter a world of magic. Music can make you forget and transport you far away. Music can make you aware and take a stance. Music can be a dream. Music can make you aware of reality. Music is life and life is music...

1. Griegs "Morning" from the play Peer Gynt

I just have to start with my former blog post: The paper plane. It was such an incredible moment when it happened and it has stayed with me for the 20-25 years since. When I started teaching the class I was told I would get nothing, that the class was not cultural and not very responsive. That 8 year old boy with his beautiful narration proved them so wrong. It made a beautiful memory for me but more than that it's been a constant reminder never to listen to the "no sayers", the "it's not possible sayers" , the "they are not interested sayers", the "generalisation sayers". It made me continue what I believed in, never give up caring, trying and that small actions can change the world. Enjoy!

2. Tchaikovsky - Sleeping Beauty Waltz

My parents had a lot of vinyl but this became special very early on. At the tender age between 1 and 2 I decided this was mine.  I danced around the living room totally in my own world. It was played again and again and again. At age 4 I did start taking ballet lessons and though I stopped at 10, ballet has always been very close to my heart. 

It introduced me to a magical world. The music is made for movement, elegant, gliding, dramatic. Close your eyes and let the music carry you away. Let your mind be filled with images and motion.

I will let this piece of fairytale music stand for my love for classical music. It started with Tchaikovsky and continued with Chopin to a large number of others. Some old, some modern.

3. Jussi Bjørling "O heliga natt"

As my mother introduced me to ballet and Chopin, my father introduced me to opera, jazz, rock. The greatest of them all was the swedish tenor Jussi Bjørling. Growing up I loved listening to this powerhouse of a singer where the emotions rushes out of the speakers and hits your body, soul and heart. Dramatic, melancholy, beautiful and unreal when hitting the high notes. Nothing can fill you body in quite the same way as opera can. I've been fortunate to see many operas in many different places. I can not wait to see more!

The clip is in swedish but his power, his voice and his charisma comes through. Probably the first opera record I heard as this has been played every christmas since I was born (and probaløy before that too) No christmas without it. It's no secret I too love opera, italian opera.  As the first clip is in swedish I'll leave you with a 2 clips, the not so unfamous "Nessun dorma" from Turandot by Puccini:

4. Piotr Tchaikovsky: The Nutcracker - Ballet in two acts

Being fortunate enough to live in a city with a ballet and a mother who also loves it my introduction to ballet at the opera came young (4-5 years). I was absolutely mesmerized. The grace, the beauty, the movements, the music. A story told without words. Images I had floating in my mind when listening came to life on stage. Such an explosion of mind, soul, thoughts and dream.  It's been many ballets since, but this was the first to open the door to a new world. 

5. ABBA: Waterloo

And then came ABBA, 1974, Eurovision. I was 6 1/2, Waterloo, the first cassette I got for my 7th birthday with a cassette player. Instant love. I would drive my brother crazy with playing the songs over and over again, performing in front of the mirror with a brush. Again I would close my eyes and let myself be transported away. And those costumes. Perfect, just perfect. Since then its been many albums and many favorites but this one started the ball. A love affair lasting 40 years (so far). 

6. David Bowie: Life on Mars?

I don't remember what was my first Bowie song, but I'm rather sure I heard it on Radio Luxenbourg one night when I should have been sleeping. It could have been either of them Rebel, Rebel, Changes, Life on Mars, Heros or Starman I don't remember. There was something in his voice that spoke directly to me. Today I would say he has a sensual, strong, very recognizable voice that both surprises and captivates - I was definitely captivated by this strange but cool music. He still surprises and stretches the borders, creating new music.  Listening to him I always felt it's ok to be different, it's ok to be myself...

7. Edith Piaf - La vie en rose

At 14 I started with French in school. As a little girl I played with a french girl on the boat to Kiel (or was it Copenhagen). I right away fell in love with the language. So beautiful. I did not excel as a student or learn much then. But I did learn one thing. French songs. Oh how beautiful, its a language made for singing. so much passion, so much beauty, so much emotions. Again when the voice filled the room I was in awe. What a voice this little sparrow had. Edit Piaf became very prominent as around the same time there was a play about her life. What life, what sorrow but also what courage and lust for living. 

8. Hanne Boel - My kindred spirit

I've been to many concerts and seen many big and small stars. Amazing concerts like Bowie in Hamburg, Simple Minds in Drammen or Tina Turner in Oslo.  Still one concert stands out. In 87 or 88 in a small rock club in Aalborg, Denmark, a former backup singer was on her first tour. She had been told her voice was to dark to make it solo. She proved them wrong. Rock Nielsen was filled to the breaking point and everyone wanted more. Again, don't stop believing in yourself.

She has this dark, r&b sound, rough and delightful at the same time. I'm still a fan of this cool Danish lady many albums later.

9. Apartheid in South Africa - 2 songs in one post

The Specials - Nelson Mandela

I am not sure when I heard about Nelson Mandela and apartheid but it must have been in the 70s. From then followed his fight for freedom. This song reminds me and so many others of the long way he had to go. Many wrote letters and protested hoping for a change. I did not dare to hope for a change in my lifetime but it came. Never give up on HOPE!

Peter Gabriel - Biko

The story of Steven Biko is a strong one that we never should forget. A man practising non violence trying to change a horrid system, killed by his efforts. The core message so important still today.  If you haven't seen the movie Cry Freedom from 1987 its worth while. Strong story, strong performances and a reminder we should never forget. Its not us and them its WE.

10. Live Aid 1985 

Using music to raise awareness had been done before, but not on this scale. Watching MTV and seeing this outpour of solidarity, money and awareness was something I will never forget. Yes they said it's useless, its just a show, it does not matter. But it did make a difference in many people's lives. It became legitimate to care. The crises in parts of Africa came straight into our living rooms. From that moment on you could chose to care or not, but you could not use the excuse you did not know.

So many artists that day that stuck in my mind but I suppose the one performance that stood out was this: Queen.

As a teenager seeing this massive response of caring was enormous. I suppose I've always felt we should help each other on this planet and suddenly there is was. It made me stronger in my belief that one person can (and should) make a difference.

-----

I'm the MTV generation, music videos and Levis commercial. Music was not just on the radio or on vinyl, it was everywhere and using music as a tool to bring awareness got a new medium. Of course I'm a product of that time. There are so many others I could have mentioned, artists I listen to, who have followed me for years or new acquaintances.

Music is the past, the present and the future.  Music is forever.

Bette Midler the Rose

This song and its lyrics have followed me for almost 30 years now, in good and in bad times. 

It seems a fitting end to a post about music and me...

Acceptance – such an easy world to say, not quite as easy to live by

Sunflowers - so bright, so happy, so warm. 

”Change is the only constant” Heraclitus said 2500 years ago. So true. Our lives are filled with changes, big and small. Some we hardly notice, others have huge impact on us. Ultimately we hope to reach an acceptance, focusing on life today and not on what it ones was. A new life, a different life but still a good one.

Acceptance

It's an easy word to say. It's not as easy to do. Some tell you to get over it and move on. And that is true. But some times things happen that changes our lives so profoundly that it takes time to process. For me it was being struck by lightening and all that followed *. For others it's another accident or incident.

It's not like snapping your fingers and then its done though

It’s been a very long road, a journey that is still continuing, and a journey that will probably last me as long as I live. I've cried rivers of tears, been further down than I believed possible, furious at my body for betraying me. I've mourned the loss of my former body, mourned the loss of my active life, mourned the loss of working. I've mourned the loss of the life I knew and mourned the loss of a day without pain.

As the zebra don't change its stripes neither do we change totally with pain. We are still us. 

I am not my pain. I am so much more.

At the same time the journey has been toward a change, in me, with me. Along the way I almost lost myself to the constant pain. Emotional as well as physical. It almost took over, it almost became me.

But that's not who I am. I am not my pain. I am so much more. So I took “me” back, slowly, step by step I found me again. A new me but at the same time the one I’ve always been inside: I'm still a feminist. I'm still a humanist. I still don't accept injustice. I'm still the one wanting equality. I'm still the one wanting to try make a difference in the world. I'm still talking to much.

Death is not an academic exercise

I've been there, touched it, felt it, smelled it. I've been blue, wondered why I survived, why it happened, why me? But knowing I've been extremely lucky has made me aware of simply being alive. Made me appreciate the small things, the things that really matter. Being able to see the stars, stop and smell the roses, enjoy children’s laughter, see my friends again, to explore, fall in love and most importantly being able to try to make a difference. In a strange way I was so fortunate to “see” my “obituary”, to get to know that I did mean something to someone.

It's the small things in life that matter. Like sitting with friends drinking a cup of tea. Just doing nothing but be together. 

When you know you should have died everything else is put into a different perspective

I made a decision to find the good things, the positive sides, the new opportunities and focus on them. I made a list (and for a long time that list just contained 2 things) just of positive things and the positive meaning: “I can sleep longer in the morning” (I've always found it hard to get up early) not on the fact that I need to sleep longer now. “I can help my bonus son as much as he needs” not that I would have done that anyway. “I can spend the whole day in the hammock” not that I need to relax.

My change within**. My acceptance.

So do I enjoy my life as it is today? Have I managed to lay my former life to rest and focus on the now? I would say a careful yes. Not every day, no, but most days. I'm coming to terms with it, the constant pain, the change in my life, the change in what I can do. I'm seeing possibilities, I'm having a good life despite it all and I'm sure it will be better.

Yes life is good!

Positive rings in the water.

I'm not saying it’s easy because it's not. It does take some hard work. But it is getting easier as you go along. It's like rings in the water, one thing leads to another. For me it has helped, for others it might not. ***

I'm getting better with practice and so yes I'm getting there, to accept, to enjoy what I can do and live a good life for me. I am very fortunate and I'm going to be sure to make the most and best out of it.

After all I'm still alive.

* Today, the 8th of July 2015, it's exactly 14 years since that night in the Norwegian mountains. The Lightening strike. Here you can read what happened:The Lightening strike

** For an article on the change within see the note where this illustration comes from. The article is about living with Trigeminal neuralgia but it applies to all changes. End Trigeminal Neuralgia is an awareness page.
For note on the change: https://www.facebook.com/notes/end-trigeminal-neuralgia/the-change-within-living-with-trigeminal-neuralgia/448933551895490
For awareness on Trigeminal neuralgia: https://www.facebook.com/endTrigeminalNeuralgia

*** I would just like to add in a small paragraph that having someone to talk to that knows exactly what you are going through can be a life saver. Support groups on Facebook is not a bad thing at all.

" A lightning bolt from clear sky" changed my life forever - though it was a real lightning strike and the sky was not clear

This is what the lightning looked like according to witnesses. 2 distinct strikes at ones. 

A summer night in the beginning of this millennium my life changed forever. Within a fraction of a second it changed. A huge bang, then nothing. Nothing at all. No light, no fire. Just a very loud sound, pain in my ear and nothing. At 2 o'clock in the morning I had lost my hearing on one ear. I had been struck by lightning.

The night had been colourful and loud. 

I was in bed, windows open, curtains aside looking out a the spectacular light show over the mountains. It really was beautiful. The sky alive with all different colours. A show not seen in these part for more than 80 years. The lights slowly moved further along the valley. The lights became more and more distant.  I became more and more drowsy, lulled to sleep by the distant rumbling. Rain was playing on the roof. It was time to sleep. 

Then an enormous sharp pain in my ear, a noise so loud it was like being in a mega speaker on full force. My room was smoky. I called out. As I jumped out of bed I thought I stepped on glass running to my parents room next door. Had my windows blown in?

And off went the smoke alarm

My mum was half awake, my father sound asleep. Rather groggy he walked out of the room and walked straight into the door of the fusebox that had been blown open. Then a very rough awakening as the smoke detectors started howling. Very annoying when cooking, rather more scary when you don't know the reason.

Everything went so quick

Rain was hammering on the roof and the rumbling continued with occasional flashes. It was unreal running into the living room looking out the windows. Part of the roof was hanging loose toward some trees. The gutters had broken off and was outside the other windows. You can safely say the normally beautiful vista was a little different.

Is the roof on fire?

It was as we stood there realising the roof had lifted I think it dawned on us that the cabin had been struck by lightning. Out we went to check on the rest. Fortunately the lightning had made a hole in the roof big enough for the rain to pour in and stop the burning.

We were in action modus

What to do now? Should we go back to bed or call the fire department? We could at least call and ask what to do in these cases.

I wonder what the fire department were thinking when they got a call saying " oh it seems our cabin has been struck by lighting and we are not sure what you do in these cases? Yes we are in the cabin now. No as far as we can see nothing is burning. You would like to check it out? Now? Ok we'll not go to bed then but meet you at the road barrier."

The reality of what had happened had not totally sunk in

We were still in action mode, my mother doing the dishes as water would go cold, my father taking a new look around and I driving to the road barrier to let the firemen through. Still in activity mode I decided as long as I have to sit there and wait I might as well call the insurance company. The time was probably closer to 3 in the morning by then.

Reality starts to sink in

I call the insurance and told what had happened. The phone went totally silent. "Oh my" I heard on the other end, "you don't know how happy I am to be talking to you. Are you all ok?". I don't think any of us had actually thought about it at all, the possibility that we might not be ok. As I talked to the very friendly man on the other end it slowly started to sink in. I still did not hear anything on my right ear.

You should be very glad no one slept in here

The guys from the fire department came and had a look around. When they came to my room they said ”oh my gosh, so good no one was sleeping in here, they would have been fried to death as it looks like the lightning met itself here”. I kind of went "hrmf I actually was in the room, laying in bed looking at the weather".  I got 4 shocking eye at me before one said very very calmly  ”you have no idea how lucky you are”.

I now know how lucky I was

I was gone for 5-10-15 minutes after the lightning struck. Nothing. I was not walking on glass but small pieces of hard plastic and metal that was left after the sockets had exploded. The lightning had met itself in my room and kaboom. 

Why did I survive? 

Many coincidences; I had my windows open, my bed was made of wood and shaped a little like a sledge protecting my head, I was lying on my left so the injuries came in my right side, no clothes on or jewellery and did not use my disc man for once (which was totally burned out).

I did not see any light, just the loud penetrating sound. /My hearing came back after 5 hours). The injuries have come, and the diagnoses still keep coming. Its been more than 10 years of pride and joy, sorrow and sadness, pain and tears - BUT I'm still alive.

Never in a million years had I thought I would be struck by lightning and survive.

Never did I believe that my life would change so dramatically. We never do do we? Its always something that happens in the movies or to someone else. Never did I believe that I the workaholic loving my job would not be allowed to work any more. I was at the top of my career, on top of the world and just ready to march ahead.

How different my life turned out.

But with the bad comes the good. When one door closes another do open. I've tapped into my more creative side and do what I can when I can.

I am celebrating surviving. I have been very fortunate after all. Yes of course there will always be a sorrow and a grief over all that I can not do any more but I do have a good life. Very different from what I believed it would be but still good. And the most important thing of all:

I'm alive.