" A lightning bolt from clear sky" changed my life forever - though it was a real lightning strike and the sky was not clear

This is what the lightning looked like according to witnesses. 2 distinct strikes at ones. 

A summer night in the beginning of this millennium my life changed forever. Within a fraction of a second it changed. A huge bang, then nothing. Nothing at all. No light, no fire. Just a very loud sound, pain in my ear and nothing. At 2 o'clock in the morning I had lost my hearing on one ear. I had been struck by lightning.

The night had been colourful and loud. 

I was in bed, windows open, curtains aside looking out a the spectacular light show over the mountains. It really was beautiful. The sky alive with all different colours. A show not seen in these part for more than 80 years. The lights slowly moved further along the valley. The lights became more and more distant.  I became more and more drowsy, lulled to sleep by the distant rumbling. Rain was playing on the roof. It was time to sleep. 

Then an enormous sharp pain in my ear, a noise so loud it was like being in a mega speaker on full force. My room was smoky. I called out. As I jumped out of bed I thought I stepped on glass running to my parents room next door. Had my windows blown in?

And off went the smoke alarm

My mum was half awake, my father sound asleep. Rather groggy he walked out of the room and walked straight into the door of the fusebox that had been blown open. Then a very rough awakening as the smoke detectors started howling. Very annoying when cooking, rather more scary when you don't know the reason.

Everything went so quick

Rain was hammering on the roof and the rumbling continued with occasional flashes. It was unreal running into the living room looking out the windows. Part of the roof was hanging loose toward some trees. The gutters had broken off and was outside the other windows. You can safely say the normally beautiful vista was a little different.

Is the roof on fire?

It was as we stood there realising the roof had lifted I think it dawned on us that the cabin had been struck by lightning. Out we went to check on the rest. Fortunately the lightning had made a hole in the roof big enough for the rain to pour in and stop the burning.

We were in action modus

What to do now? Should we go back to bed or call the fire department? We could at least call and ask what to do in these cases.

I wonder what the fire department were thinking when they got a call saying " oh it seems our cabin has been struck by lighting and we are not sure what you do in these cases? Yes we are in the cabin now. No as far as we can see nothing is burning. You would like to check it out? Now? Ok we'll not go to bed then but meet you at the road barrier."

The reality of what had happened had not totally sunk in

We were still in action mode, my mother doing the dishes as water would go cold, my father taking a new look around and I driving to the road barrier to let the firemen through. Still in activity mode I decided as long as I have to sit there and wait I might as well call the insurance company. The time was probably closer to 3 in the morning by then.

Reality starts to sink in

I call the insurance and told what had happened. The phone went totally silent. "Oh my" I heard on the other end, "you don't know how happy I am to be talking to you. Are you all ok?". I don't think any of us had actually thought about it at all, the possibility that we might not be ok. As I talked to the very friendly man on the other end it slowly started to sink in. I still did not hear anything on my right ear.

You should be very glad no one slept in here

The guys from the fire department came and had a look around. When they came to my room they said ”oh my gosh, so good no one was sleeping in here, they would have been fried to death as it looks like the lightning met itself here”. I kind of went "hrmf I actually was in the room, laying in bed looking at the weather".  I got 4 shocking eye at me before one said very very calmly  ”you have no idea how lucky you are”.

I now know how lucky I was

I was gone for 5-10-15 minutes after the lightning struck. Nothing. I was not walking on glass but small pieces of hard plastic and metal that was left after the sockets had exploded. The lightning had met itself in my room and kaboom. 

Why did I survive? 

Many coincidences; I had my windows open, my bed was made of wood and shaped a little like a sledge protecting my head, I was lying on my left so the injuries came in my right side, no clothes on or jewellery and did not use my disc man for once (which was totally burned out).

I did not see any light, just the loud penetrating sound. /My hearing came back after 5 hours). The injuries have come, and the diagnoses still keep coming. Its been more than 10 years of pride and joy, sorrow and sadness, pain and tears - BUT I'm still alive.

Never in a million years had I thought I would be struck by lightning and survive.

Never did I believe that my life would change so dramatically. We never do do we? Its always something that happens in the movies or to someone else. Never did I believe that I the workaholic loving my job would not be allowed to work any more. I was at the top of my career, on top of the world and just ready to march ahead.

How different my life turned out.

But with the bad comes the good. When one door closes another do open. I've tapped into my more creative side and do what I can when I can.

I am celebrating surviving. I have been very fortunate after all. Yes of course there will always be a sorrow and a grief over all that I can not do any more but I do have a good life. Very different from what I believed it would be but still good. And the most important thing of all:

I'm alive.

Unwanted guest for dinner - sexual harassment – and my own inadequacy to react

This last week I realised I was back at being the young 22 year old woman not knowing what to do when a marketing manager told me he was really looking forward to us travelling together, sharing room and having sex. My reaction this time as a grown woman was just the same as that young woman. I responded to it as if it was a joke, I made fun of it. I did not talk to much about it. I ignored it.*

At 22 you can understand that you're not certain how to respond. It started with smaller jokes, all with hidden sexual content. In the beginning I really did not understand, the man could have been my father. When it became really uncomfortable and he started telling me how he was looking forward to the trip I avoided him as much as I could. When he came into the office I was sitting in I left. If he came to the kitchen when I was making tea I left.

Chronic harasser

Fortunately for me the other women in the company saw it and understood as he had been sexually harassing them too. They made sure I was never alone with him again and protected me. I did the business trip when the man was away on another. He was angry when heard I'd gone alone but I was protected by my female colleagues. I made sure to never be in a situation where I could end up with him alone.

Why did I not report him?

Neither did the other women. Why? I was young, I was there for an intern ship, he was one of the big bosses in the company well liked and I'd met his very nice wife at a dinner with everyone. Social convention. Not wanting to make a fuss. Maybe deep down a little afraid I would not be taken seriously?

I also played the conversations over and over in my mind. What could I have said or done differently? Could I be to blame? The guilt over time when I knew what I wanted to do but did not dare. The sad thing is that the managing director was a really nice guy and I'm quite sure today that if I had told him, he would have taken it very seriously. At 22 I did not trust my instinct.

The harasser's power comes from people feeling isolated and alone. And staying silent like I.

Fast forward more than 20 years.

I'm at a dinner, we meet a new couple. I don't know why but I'm immediately uneasy about him and tell my husband to never leave me alone with him. My husband understands as he also feels something is off.

Next dinner and this time I'm next to this man. While we are talking I feel a leg against my leg. That happens of course and nothing sinister about that. I just move a little. But his leg moves with mine. His upper legs are rubbing my upper legs. I move my chair. He moves his a little. In the end I sit halfway out the chair trying to not make it to obvious, the other guests used to me moving around due to my bad back.

What I don't do is tell him to stop loud and clear. Instead I ignore it and I go help out in the kitchen to avoid it. I don't want to make a fuss. The guy is just a little frisky but well I can handle it.

Again I say nothing

Next time we're at a dinner at their house. Again I'm seated next to him and again his leg is up against mine. I don't say anything this time either but moves my chair towards my husband and sit with my legs out on the other side. When the wife gets up to clean the table etc. I help out to get out of the situation.

Next dinner I've talked to my husband and I make sure I'm not going to sit next to this man. I switch places with my husband.

Many women, like I, do not want to make a fuss and imprison ourselves by not speaking up.

Social codex and conduct.

I get a friends request from him and feel I can not deny. I accept but set my privacy settings so he can not see my new posts.

Another chronic harasser

Then just a few days later it all comes out. He is doing it to others. There are many many more stories, many more women. He is going to all social venues and harassing women of all ages. And finally, finally I take action. I unfriend him on Facebook, my husband does the same. My husband is a little sad I have not told all of it before. I have to admit I'm a little relieved.

And then I get angry. Very angry. At myself.

I have been through this before. Why did I respond exactly like the last time? Why did I not speak up and do what I knew to be the right thing in my heart? Why did I, of all people, not have the guts to do it? I've never been afraid of confrontations as a grown up. I'm a rather tough cookie, been through many battles and not afraid to stand on the barricades.

As a manager I had specific talks with young women to make sure they would come to me immediately if something remotely similar happened to them. I would have taken action and not ignored it or let it pass. But when it came to myself I was doing nothing, I was the 22 years old again, not wanting to make a fuss.

I and other women (and the few men) who experience harassment need to react so we can help others,
especially the young so they know  this is not acceptable behaviour and it's not their fault. 

Why is it so easy to stand up for others but not for myself?

I could not do it for myself, but I could definitely do it for the others. Harassing grown ups are one thing but when hearing he was going after younger women and teenagers too then it was very easy. Very easy. I would never forgive myself if me not saying something had resulted in something serious for a young woman.

It's fortunately just 1% of the male population but it's 1 % to many. We need to protect and we need to do whatever we can to put a stop to this behaviour. And it starts with me, speaking up.

I can not stand by others being harassed. I had to tell my story. For the sake of young women, for the sake of old women, for the sake of my own. I had to put my foot down, I should have done it sooner.

Finally though, through what has happened I have found my voice again. 

From now on I will not stay silent.

* Writing this I come to think about other incidents that I think every woman has experienced: Street harassment and the difference between what you experience on the street by strangers and what happens when the harasser is someone you know either socially or in your work environment. Another blog post.

© 2015 A Viking in the Vines