My 20 favorite quotes

Just to get things going again after some absent here is some quotes that each have helped or help me in one way or another. When young some of them hang on my wall, now they are the background photo's on my pc. I hope you find them ok to.

Wonder what End Trigeminal Neuralgia is? EndTN is an awareness page for trigeminal neuralgia, a facial pain affliction, You can have a look at the page. 

The paper plane

Many years ago I was so fortunate to be working as a teacher for some time, filling in for teachers that was sick. For 4 months I was the teacher of a class of 8 year olds.

As part of arts and craft I one day asked the children to put their heads down on their desks, close their eyes and just listen to the music letting their minds go free creating images.

28 children did as asked and the only sound in the classroom was Griegs "Morning" from Peer Gynt.

Slowly we returned to this world and I asked if anyone wanted to share what had played in their minds.

One of the boys put his hand up and this was his story:

"It was sunny and I was running on a huge open green field with the trees standing beautifully in the background. 

Above me a paper plane was flying. The sky very blue. 

The plane was slowly moving with the wind, gliding beautifully over the open green field. 

I was running to it, trying to reach it but it sailed just above my head.

I followed the plane as it slowly descended. The world was quiet. It was just me and the paper plane on the big field. 

Slowly slowly it circled. It was so beautiful.

Finally it glided just over the green grass before it gently landed in front of me. 

It was a perfect day." 

I was speechless and rather moved. So were the other children. Everyone was looking at him in awe finding his story a beautiful one. A lot of wow and I can see that. 28 children united by the beautiful narration of their classmate.

I have cherished this story in my heart for the 20 something years now.

I'm sharing it with you this week, after the Paris attacks (and the others) where I see so many comments about how dangerous muslims are, how barbaric they all are. All the harsh and ignorant comments flourishing.

This was a normal class except for one thing, all the 28 children came from immigrant families. This remarkable 8 year old boy telling this beautiful story was a muslim. The class listening to him was too. Don't judge what you don't know. Xenophobia is not a beautiful thing. This boy's mind was.

A beautiful soul in a beautiful mind!

We must enjoy the day - waiting for the rain

August is here, it might get cold soon... No not really...

We have to take advantage of the sunny warm weather and be outside. Coming from Norway enjoying a warm day and not spend it inside is rooted in me. When warmer than 15 degrees c and sunny you storm out and spend the whole day outside. You simply can not let such a beautiful day go by, who knows when you'll see another one. 

The problem is of course now I live in the south of France. For the past 7 months this has been the weather:  Sun, sunny, warm, sun, warm, sun, sunny, 2 drops of rain, sun, sunny, very warm, sun, sunny, warm... ok and some wind. You get the picture. The weather is rather nice down here.

Beautiful day in April

But my head still tells me you have to get out, if only to lay in the hammock in the garden. It's way to nice to be inside. The small project inside can wait for a rainy day.

It's the beginning of October and I've had on summer jeans 10 times or so in the last 7 months. The one item I've worn the most: A Sarong.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it. These months are what makes all the difference. But my brain has not switched to Languedoc weather yet. I still get guilty if I stay inside and its lovely outside. It's just that is lovely a lot of the time here. More or less all the time from April to October. So these small projects they stay projects for now at least.

Never know how long the sun will last... October 1st

Several times it has been predicted rain, and it might rain in the next village but not with us. One day we had orange alert, that means very strong warning for flooding. And it was rather horrible other places but here it rained for 30 minutes. 2 days of heavy rain turned out to be drizzle for 4 hours.

So small projects wait for a rainy day - that so far has not come. Tomorrow they say it will rain and the temperature will drop to 10-15 degrees.

So we did take advantage of this lovely autumn weekend with temperatures up to 30 degrees Celsius. It's been spent outside. Waiting for the rain. that hopefully will come. And then we might start one the small projects.

We have to enjoy the day - October 10Th.

Unless it gets warm again. Then we have to go out and enjoy it. You never know how long it will last my brain tells me. Luxury problem I know. 

Update: It's now november 20th and we are still waiting. We've had 1 day of rain, proper rain. Then some windy days and some a little colder. Today it's still 21 degrees (c). It's rather amazing.

A visitor has finally come home

Travelling, studying, working in other places or countries was fun. Different. New adventures. Standing at airports, train stations, bus stations talking to people most said the same: " I've loved being here and there but it will be so good to go home, to where I belong." I had no idea what that feeling was, what they were talking about.

It felt strange, different, lonely in a way, not feeling that I had to be somewhere special. That one place. The "tears in the eyes" thinking about going home. I was feeling many things, crying many tears but never over "home" home.

Many talk about feeling alienated when you come home after a short or longer stay abroad. You don't really fit in, belong any more, you've changed. Others have changed. The place you left has changed.

The thing is, if I'm totally honest, that's how I've always felt deep down. Since childhood. That I was kind of a visitor, passing through.  An "alien" if you like.

Standing at any station leaving a place to go back to Norway I often had no desire to go at all. Of course it would be nice to see friends and family. Sleep in my own bed. But longing and looking forward to see the hills around Oslo to feel complete? No I did not feel it.  It was just my base, where I came from.

One of my manager ones told me: "You're problem is not being afraid of change as most, but that you whole life is about nothing but change. You need change to much. I'm afraid that you don't root." He was absolutely right.  I was not "home" home anywhere, rooted, knowing deep down that this is where I belong.

I was a little envious of others knowing with absolutely certainty where they belonged. Me, I was like a water plant surviving in any container filled with some water, passing through. Sometimes for a day, sometimes for a week other times for years. Visiting not really rooting. Being strange but fine at the same time. Not looking for that one place either. I was many lovely places, meeting many nice people. More than 40 years went by. Life was after all good.

Then one warm day in July I knew. No fireworks, no big emotions just driving on an unromantic highway in a part of France I had never been. An inner peace, a certainty. Finally I knew what many had been talking about. There on a stretch on the highway "between the 2 oceans" I knew: This is it.

I'm home. 

Epilogue: We now live 10 - 15 minutes from that part on the highway. I finally understand the "tears in my eyes" when leaving or going back. I have moved out of the water container. I'm rooting. I'm becoming a real tree. I'm at peace. I belong.

Acceptance – such an easy world to say, not quite as easy to live by

Sunflowers - so bright, so happy, so warm. 

”Change is the only constant” Heraclitus said 2500 years ago. So true. Our lives are filled with changes, big and small. Some we hardly notice, others have huge impact on us. Ultimately we hope to reach an acceptance, focusing on life today and not on what it ones was. A new life, a different life but still a good one.

Acceptance

It's an easy word to say. It's not as easy to do. Some tell you to get over it and move on. And that is true. But some times things happen that changes our lives so profoundly that it takes time to process. For me it was being struck by lightening and all that followed *. For others it's another accident or incident.

It's not like snapping your fingers and then its done though

It’s been a very long road, a journey that is still continuing, and a journey that will probably last me as long as I live. I've cried rivers of tears, been further down than I believed possible, furious at my body for betraying me. I've mourned the loss of my former body, mourned the loss of my active life, mourned the loss of working. I've mourned the loss of the life I knew and mourned the loss of a day without pain.

As the zebra don't change its stripes neither do we change totally with pain. We are still us. 

I am not my pain. I am so much more.

At the same time the journey has been toward a change, in me, with me. Along the way I almost lost myself to the constant pain. Emotional as well as physical. It almost took over, it almost became me.

But that's not who I am. I am not my pain. I am so much more. So I took “me” back, slowly, step by step I found me again. A new me but at the same time the one I’ve always been inside: I'm still a feminist. I'm still a humanist. I still don't accept injustice. I'm still the one wanting equality. I'm still the one wanting to try make a difference in the world. I'm still talking to much.

Death is not an academic exercise

I've been there, touched it, felt it, smelled it. I've been blue, wondered why I survived, why it happened, why me? But knowing I've been extremely lucky has made me aware of simply being alive. Made me appreciate the small things, the things that really matter. Being able to see the stars, stop and smell the roses, enjoy children’s laughter, see my friends again, to explore, fall in love and most importantly being able to try to make a difference. In a strange way I was so fortunate to “see” my “obituary”, to get to know that I did mean something to someone.

It's the small things in life that matter. Like sitting with friends drinking a cup of tea. Just doing nothing but be together. 

When you know you should have died everything else is put into a different perspective

I made a decision to find the good things, the positive sides, the new opportunities and focus on them. I made a list (and for a long time that list just contained 2 things) just of positive things and the positive meaning: “I can sleep longer in the morning” (I've always found it hard to get up early) not on the fact that I need to sleep longer now. “I can help my bonus son as much as he needs” not that I would have done that anyway. “I can spend the whole day in the hammock” not that I need to relax.

My change within**. My acceptance.

So do I enjoy my life as it is today? Have I managed to lay my former life to rest and focus on the now? I would say a careful yes. Not every day, no, but most days. I'm coming to terms with it, the constant pain, the change in my life, the change in what I can do. I'm seeing possibilities, I'm having a good life despite it all and I'm sure it will be better.

Yes life is good!

Positive rings in the water.

I'm not saying it’s easy because it's not. It does take some hard work. But it is getting easier as you go along. It's like rings in the water, one thing leads to another. For me it has helped, for others it might not. ***

I'm getting better with practice and so yes I'm getting there, to accept, to enjoy what I can do and live a good life for me. I am very fortunate and I'm going to be sure to make the most and best out of it.

After all I'm still alive.

* Today, the 8th of July 2015, it's exactly 14 years since that night in the Norwegian mountains. The Lightening strike. Here you can read what happened:The Lightening strike

** For an article on the change within see the note where this illustration comes from. The article is about living with Trigeminal neuralgia but it applies to all changes. End Trigeminal Neuralgia is an awareness page.
For note on the change: https://www.facebook.com/notes/end-trigeminal-neuralgia/the-change-within-living-with-trigeminal-neuralgia/448933551895490
For awareness on Trigeminal neuralgia: https://www.facebook.com/endTrigeminalNeuralgia

*** I would just like to add in a small paragraph that having someone to talk to that knows exactly what you are going through can be a life saver. Support groups on Facebook is not a bad thing at all.