Unwanted guest for dinner - sexual harassment – and my own inadequacy to react

This last week I realised I was back at being the young 22 year old woman not knowing what to do when a marketing manager told me he was really looking forward to us travelling together, sharing room and having sex. My reaction this time as a grown woman was just the same as that young woman. I responded to it as if it was a joke, I made fun of it. I did not talk to much about it. I ignored it.*

At 22 you can understand that you're not certain how to respond. It started with smaller jokes, all with hidden sexual content. In the beginning I really did not understand, the man could have been my father. When it became really uncomfortable and he started telling me how he was looking forward to the trip I avoided him as much as I could. When he came into the office I was sitting in I left. If he came to the kitchen when I was making tea I left.

Chronic harasser

Fortunately for me the other women in the company saw it and understood as he had been sexually harassing them too. They made sure I was never alone with him again and protected me. I did the business trip when the man was away on another. He was angry when heard I'd gone alone but I was protected by my female colleagues. I made sure to never be in a situation where I could end up with him alone.

Why did I not report him?

Neither did the other women. Why? I was young, I was there for an intern ship, he was one of the big bosses in the company well liked and I'd met his very nice wife at a dinner with everyone. Social convention. Not wanting to make a fuss. Maybe deep down a little afraid I would not be taken seriously?

I also played the conversations over and over in my mind. What could I have said or done differently? Could I be to blame? The guilt over time when I knew what I wanted to do but did not dare. The sad thing is that the managing director was a really nice guy and I'm quite sure today that if I had told him, he would have taken it very seriously. At 22 I did not trust my instinct.

The harasser's power comes from people feeling isolated and alone. And staying silent like I.

Fast forward more than 20 years.

I'm at a dinner, we meet a new couple. I don't know why but I'm immediately uneasy about him and tell my husband to never leave me alone with him. My husband understands as he also feels something is off.

Next dinner and this time I'm next to this man. While we are talking I feel a leg against my leg. That happens of course and nothing sinister about that. I just move a little. But his leg moves with mine. His upper legs are rubbing my upper legs. I move my chair. He moves his a little. In the end I sit halfway out the chair trying to not make it to obvious, the other guests used to me moving around due to my bad back.

What I don't do is tell him to stop loud and clear. Instead I ignore it and I go help out in the kitchen to avoid it. I don't want to make a fuss. The guy is just a little frisky but well I can handle it.

Again I say nothing

Next time we're at a dinner at their house. Again I'm seated next to him and again his leg is up against mine. I don't say anything this time either but moves my chair towards my husband and sit with my legs out on the other side. When the wife gets up to clean the table etc. I help out to get out of the situation.

Next dinner I've talked to my husband and I make sure I'm not going to sit next to this man. I switch places with my husband.

Many women, like I, do not want to make a fuss and imprison ourselves by not speaking up.

Social codex and conduct.

I get a friends request from him and feel I can not deny. I accept but set my privacy settings so he can not see my new posts.

Another chronic harasser

Then just a few days later it all comes out. He is doing it to others. There are many many more stories, many more women. He is going to all social venues and harassing women of all ages. And finally, finally I take action. I unfriend him on Facebook, my husband does the same. My husband is a little sad I have not told all of it before. I have to admit I'm a little relieved.

And then I get angry. Very angry. At myself.

I have been through this before. Why did I respond exactly like the last time? Why did I not speak up and do what I knew to be the right thing in my heart? Why did I, of all people, not have the guts to do it? I've never been afraid of confrontations as a grown up. I'm a rather tough cookie, been through many battles and not afraid to stand on the barricades.

As a manager I had specific talks with young women to make sure they would come to me immediately if something remotely similar happened to them. I would have taken action and not ignored it or let it pass. But when it came to myself I was doing nothing, I was the 22 years old again, not wanting to make a fuss.

I and other women (and the few men) who experience harassment need to react so we can help others,
especially the young so they know  this is not acceptable behaviour and it's not their fault. 

Why is it so easy to stand up for others but not for myself?

I could not do it for myself, but I could definitely do it for the others. Harassing grown ups are one thing but when hearing he was going after younger women and teenagers too then it was very easy. Very easy. I would never forgive myself if me not saying something had resulted in something serious for a young woman.

It's fortunately just 1% of the male population but it's 1 % to many. We need to protect and we need to do whatever we can to put a stop to this behaviour. And it starts with me, speaking up.

I can not stand by others being harassed. I had to tell my story. For the sake of young women, for the sake of old women, for the sake of my own. I had to put my foot down, I should have done it sooner.

Finally though, through what has happened I have found my voice again. 

From now on I will not stay silent.

* Writing this I come to think about other incidents that I think every woman has experienced: Street harassment and the difference between what you experience on the street by strangers and what happens when the harasser is someone you know either socially or in your work environment. Another blog post.

© 2015 A Viking in the Vines

All your incredible time - you'll never be alone with Orange

Missing someone to talk to at daytime, feeling isolated and your French need some refreshing? Don't despair, take a subscription on any Orange product and you will never be totally alone again. 

"All of your thoughts and dreams"*

We are planning to be a lot outside, having nice encounters with the French and learn more of the beautiful language. Orange customer service is a brilliant way to do the last two and best of all it does not cost you an arm and a leg either.

"All of your incredible time"*

You will be fortunate enough to speak to a new person every day. This is done to be helpful and aid you in understanding their message. As they might be paid per words per minute it helps talking to a lot of different persons so you can catch new words and meaning and in the end understand what they are telling you.

"Will stay with me"*

Some help you out by just hanging up. First I thought it was because I was a foreigner but my French friends assured me that's not the case, it happens to them to. So like you prepare for exams you can then study and learn important sentences before calling again: "Ne raccrochez pas le téléphone s'il vous plaît" (please don't hang up the phone) and "allez-vous me rappeler s'il vous plaît" (will you call me back please) and other vital informative sentences you need in everyday life.

"All of you whispered schemes"*

You might want to be a little bit careful as they might suspect that you are calling just to have someone to talk to. To ensure you are not they'll have you to go through the same procedure every time: "You need to turn off and on your ruter. You need to turn off and then on your decoder. Are you sure you have waited 15 seconds before starting again?"

It might be a tiny bit annoying when you are calling for the 3. time in one day but on the other hand you learn new French words and sentences: "Yes I've turned the decoder/ruter off and on and waited 15 seconds" or " 2 weeks ago a man from you was here and did not find any flaws in our house but we still have problems with internet".

"All your courageous tears"*

Ok granted, your blood pressure might not be the best after talking to the customer service every day for months. It does wonders for your language skills though. One day you'll even manage to argue in French with the customer service. That is a day to remember. As a French friend of mine commented: 

Congratulations you are now integrated in France!

Winning the lottery

This was written about Orange and our decoder but could just as well have been about trying to get a mobile phone, car insurance, membership in a organisation, extra health insurance and so forth. The easiest thing so far has been getting the national health card and social security number. 

As with everything else it depends on the person you meet at the other end of the phone. Yesterday I was so fortunate to meet a man who was both service minded and good at what he was doing. When I started out saying "This is the hundred time or so I'm calling" he responded by saying: "Then I'll not insult you by asking if you have turned the decoder off and on". He solved the problem with the decoder, he called back every time the line was broken (we have internet phone) and he will call back on Friday to be sure everything is ok, if not we'll get a new decoder. I was so happy, it really felt like winning the big pot in the lottery.

Update: Guy called today as promised. We're getting a new decoder and he will call back on Monday. I give him 5 of 5  stars! Orange SA, this is excellent customer service and he should be used as a brilliant example on how to do the job.

Update 2: New decoder, working like charm. Guy called back on Monday to check everything was OK. That guy is worth gold!

* Some knows the words of the headings all to well, for those who don't it's the music played when you're put on hold with Orange. Its a catchy tune (Sudden Dreams by Sophie Hunger) that is haunting me in my sleep.  And its not even in French. 

A new scam in the making? Is Mojo + Interior Addict + KMA Republic = Made in Style?

Shopping for furniture can be a time consuming affair. We are looking for our favourites at a good price. We investigate. We try our best to find a trustworthy company. But sometimes the scam is so well done and so devious that it's not easy to discover it before it's to late.

Here we need to go several years back. In 2004 a Jason Graham started importing reproduction furniture and selling it via his company Synergy Imports LTD (i). A year later the same Jason Graham starts up another company, the internet shop Mojo Interiors Ltd (ii), selling reproduction furniture (iii).

Mojo Interiors Ltd "Under Administration - contact your credit card company"

But everything is not good in paradise. In January of 2008 you find notice that something is off. A customer at the web based fora designaddict.com writes his experiences (iv). 

David P – 21 Jan 2008DO NOT USE MOJO INTERIORS I purchased an Eames RAR rocker from Mojo that was shown on the website as being in stock and delivered within 10 days. After 8 days I tried to contact them to see when I could expect delivery and was told that it was out of stock and would take 10 weeks. I tried to cancel the order there and then, and was told a refund would be actioned. This did not happen, and a week later after repeatedly trying to call, I recieved an e-mail to sat they had 'moved some boxes in the warehouse and found one' ... I declined and asked again for my refund. This went on and on, and nobody called back after my leaving ,messages on an answerphone and sending over 40 e-mails demanding a response. Eventually, 6 phone calls through the MD on a Saturday morning where he was 'waiting for his accountant', 'just out of the office' ... etc, resulted in my being told I was going to be refunded ...... I am still waiting ....This company is dreadful, and I have had nothing but lies form the two people I have spoken to or recieved e-mails from.Never buy from this company.

So Mojo is taking the money but not delivering the goods or refunding the money? Sounds familiar doesn't it? But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Finally in February of 2009 the customers are told it is going into voluntary liquidation (v). Customers are asked to contact their credit card providers and visa, master card etc. are paying out. A company buys the assets (vi). A new company without connections to Mojo Interiors? The new company is Interior Addict Ltd, a company started in January 2009 (vii).

Interior Addict "Timeless classics delivered to your door"

Interior Addict Ltd's director is not Jason Graham but Rajinder Khatkar. We are told Interior Addict buys the assets of Mojo Interiors. Soon a web page is up and running in the UK. It goes out wide and expanded to French, Swiss, German, Danish, Swedish and Norwegian versions (viii). Maybe even Australia (ix).

Back to the commentaries on designaddict.com where its suggested that Jason Graham is involved with the new company, that it actually is him running it (x). How can we find out if he is involved with Interior Addict Ltd? A quick search reveals that Jason Graham in January of 2009 opens a profile on a recruitment page looking for SEO's, web designers, Danish speaking persons etc. (xi). Ms Khatkar and Mr Graham both answers question under full name and Interior Addict Ltd is a reference (xii). It is safe to say Jason Graham is involved with Interior Addict Ltd and the new internet store. Maybe a lot more than he has given information about?

Interior Addict Ltd has assets from Mojo Interiors and as figures show, do OK to begin with. In 2012 they open a showroom at 50-52 Commercial Street in London (xiii).

Interior Addict Ltd "In Liquidation - contact your credit card company"

Fast forward to 2014, again something is off in paradise. Some subcontractors are not getting paid and in May 2014 one of them takes them to court (xiv). Interior Addict Ltd goes into liquidation (xv). Again assets are sold to a new company. We are told that in the summer of 2014 this new company takes over the brand Interior Addict and its web shops in several countries. This time Jason Graham is officially involved with the new company KMA Republic Ltd, he is the director (xvi).

Interior Addict/KMA Republic Ltd "Under Administration - contact your credit card company"

Through out the autumn of 2014 and beginning of 2015 customers gets more and more concerned, orders are made, money is paid but no goods (xvii). Cancellations are agreed upon but no money are refunded (xviii). It's a deja vu from 2009. This time its on Trustpilot (xix). For every negative comment, loads of positive comes up. You start to wonder if these are from employees at Interior Addict? In March of 2015 a new director is appointed (xx). In March the showroom is emptied but sales are still going on. Emails and phones are to begin with answered, then silence (xxi). In April 2015 KMA Republic goes into voluntary liquidation. Again customers are asked to contact their credit card providers to get their money back (xxii). Is someone trying to make a deal again?

History repeats itself? Is this a business model?

This time the social media is more active. Customers, ex employees and subcontractors not getting paid join forces and group up (xxiii). Information is coming out. In the group former employees are telling that Jason Graham had told them to stop sending out furniture. He is saving them for his new company. He has a warehouse full of furniture, not in either Interior addicts name or KMA Republic's but one of his other companies Indigo Logistics (xxiv). In the group we hear about employees being fired without getting their last salaries (xxv). It seems history repeats itself, is it a business model?

Something else comes to light when we start digging. Looking at the terms and conditions pages on interioraddict.com the information on the company you are buying from changes from Interior Addict Ltd in December 2013 to KMA Republic Ltd in February 2014. So the takeover could not have been in summer of 2014. If you bought something in say March of 2014 you were actually buying from KMA Republic (xxvi).

We finally find proof of the strong connection between Mr Graham and Ms Khatkar. On the 27. of September 2014 they were married on Majorca (xxvii).

Will Made In Style also end up with "Under Administration - contact your credit card company" on their web site too?

For some weeks we've wondered where is he going now Mr Graham? What new company will benefit from the warehouse filled with furniture and so forth? One of the guests at their wedding is a long time friend (xxviii).

Why is this important you might ask? Because she, Miss Usha Nayee, is now the director of a brand new internet store, Made in style (xxix), started in March 2015, selling reproduction furniture (xxx). What do you think - a coincidence?

UPDATE May 2015: Made in Style has ceased trading. A notice can be found on their web page where they inform that all customers will be refunded. At least this company is honouring their obligations to their customers. 

A final note: This blog has been written after research by several members of the Facebook customer group*. Information is not provided by one source only. All information that is referred to here (and some more) has been secured, given to the UK authorities and can be presented as evidence. If you have been subjected to the same please report to Action Fraud UK regardless if you are outside the UK or have gotten a cash back from you bank/credit card company/Pay pal. 

* Interior Addict customers group on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
All photos are from the internet sources provided. 

PM at the end, Mr Graham is and has been involved with several companies throughout the years.

Incorp date or when he worked there	Status pt	Date status	Name	Number	Additional
2002.05.25	Dissolved		HALCYON LEISURE MANAGEMENT LIMITED * 2001.08.13 - 2004.07.27	04269406	Director until 2004.01.24
2004.10.13	Dissolved	17 July 2007	SYNERGY IMPORTS (UK) LTD	05256545	Director
2005.02.06	Active		70 BRYNLAND AVENUE MANAGEMENT COMPANY LIMITED Incorp 28.01.2005	05346109	Was employed as director until 6.02.2006
2005.05.06	Dissolved	29.10.2010	Mojo Interiors Ltd	05445809	Director
2006.07.01	active		18 GROSVENOR PLACE BATH (MANAGEMENT) LIMITED (incorp 05.08.1986)	02043446	was employed as Director (IMPORTER) to 30 April 2010
2008.01.02.	Dissolved	18.05.2010	URBAN MOJO LIMITED	06462048	Director
2009-01-21	Liquidation		Interior Addict Ltd	06797406	??
2010-12-01	Active		Interior Addict E1 Ltd	07456828	Director
2011-08-08	Active		LIVE ICONIC LIMITED	07732949	Director
2011-09-13	Dissolved	2013-12-24	LIVE ICONIC EUROPE LIMITED	07772319	Director
2012-04-24	Dissolved	2013-10-15	LIVE ICONIC (EAST EUROPE) LIMITED	08042836	Director
2012-04-24	Dissolved	2013-12-03	LIVE ICONIC (SWEDEN) LIMITED	08042869	Director
2013-01-07	Adverse info		KMA REPUBLIC LIMITED	08348410	Director (still as of 28.4.2015
2014-02-27	Active		INDIGO LOGISTICS (UK) LIMITED	08916105	Director
2015-02-12	Active		MANAGE MY SEO LIMITED	09436387	Director

* This might be the same Jason Graham as born same year and in Bath/Brighton but since can't get whole date of birth not been confirmed. The others are confirmed being same person ref official sources.

i http://companycheck.co.uk/company/05256545
ii http://mojointeriors.co.uk/
iii http://companycheck.co.uk/company/05445809
iv http://www.designaddict.com/forum/General-discussion/Mojo-Interiors
v https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/L-58991-748900
vi Ibid
vii http://www.endole.co.uk/company/06797406/interior-addict-ltd
viii www.interioraddict.com
ix Www.interioraddict.com/au
x http://www.designaddict.com/forum/General-discussion/Mojo-Interiors
xi http://www.peopleperhour.com/job/copy-write-seo-6481
xii http://www.peopleperhour.com/job/website-content-assitant-required-22065?Members_page=3
xiii http://www.endole.co.uk/company/06797406/interior-addict-ltd
xiv https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/2140793
xv https://www.thegazette.co.uk/notice/2247193
xvi http://www.endole.co.uk/company/08348410/kma-republic-limited
xvii Trustpilot on InteriorAddict.com:https://www.trustpilot.com/review/www.interioraddict.com
xviii See facebook group: Interior Addict customers group https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xix Trustpilot on InteriorAddict.com:https://www.trustpilot.com/review/www.interioraddict.com
or other pages on trustpilot in other languages
xx http://companycheck.co.uk/company/08348410/KMA-REPUBLIC-LIMITED
xxi See facebook group: Interior Addict customers group https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xxii Www.interioraddict.com
xxiii https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xxiv http://www.datalog.co.uk/browse/detail.php/CompanyNumber/08916105/CompanyName/INDIGO+LOGISTICS+%28UK%29+LIMITED
xxv https://www.facebook.com/groups/369428203248794/
xxvi Older versions of webpages can be found at:
xxvii ttps://www.facebook.com/charmicreations/photos/a.10151962733996747.1073741831.153497901746/10152834259681747/?type=1&__mref=message_bubble
xxviii https://twitter.com/ush2012, if been deleted screenshots have been secured
xxix http://www.madeinstyle.com/uk/
xxx Ubn 3 Limited is the company behind “Made in style”, http://www.endole.co.uk/company/09445741/ubn-3-limited

http://www.actionfraud.police.uk/